When you were a young child, you were pure love. You were happy, alive, and free, but you were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, you got hurt and you got hurt a lot. You experienced rejection, invalidation, and painful losses of love. As a little child, the only way you could explain these painful losses of love was to blame yourself. "Clearly I'm the problem."

In a moment of deep hurt, you decided that you were worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, a failure, or in some other way, "not okay." It wasn't the truth that you were this way, but in the eyes of a little child, it became your truth. It was the only explanation that made since at the time. You then took it a step further and fought the very belief that you created. "No one can ever love me if I'm worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be."

You fought the belief and you fought all the hurt that came with it. From that moment on, the primary, subconscious focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt. This automatic avoidance creates a core issue that destroys love and sabotages your life. You may never notice this hurt, but it is certainly there.

Fortunately, there is nothing threatening about this hurt. It's just an emotion, but it’s an emotion that we will do almost anything to avoid feeling. Subconsciously, this emotion is perceived as a major threat to our survival and the same is true for any circumstance that triggers it. To avoid this perceived threat, we fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw.

We put all our focus is on making life be a certain way so we don’t have to feel our hurt, but it doesn’t work. This narrow focus creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. It’s like putting blinders on a horse. It keeps us from seeing what needs to be done and it forces destructive behavior.

It’s the tunnel vision that gets us in trouble

The tunnel vision sabotages us in two ways. First, it destroys our ability to find solutions and to see what works. The answer to a problem could be right beside us, but we won't be able to see it because the answer is outside the tunnel vision. It also forces us to act destructively. Since we are threatened, we have to either attack the threat or run from it.

Every area of your life that isn’t working and every self-sabotaging behavior can be traced directly to the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt. Finding and healing this hurt is literally one of the most important things you can ever do. The first step in the healing process is to identify it.

Find the hurt

To find the hurt that runs your life, look for the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? Were your parents right about you? While you are looking, remember that you are not looking for the truth. You are looking for an emotion. It is physically impossible for you to be worthless, not good enough, or whatever your issue is. These are only judgments. They do not exist in reality. They only exist in our mind.

You can search all over for a good enough, but you will never find one. If you did, what color would it be and how much would it weight? A surgeon cannot go in and pull out a worthless. We spend our lives running from something that doesn't even exist.

So, don’t look to see if this is true about you. It’s not. Instead, notice how painful it would be if it were true. The more painful this is, the more suppressed emotion you have, and the more it runs your life.

Use the following articles to help find your hurt. Find the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Look for the emotion.

How to find your hurt

A list of common core issues

How to heal the hurt

We relate to this hurt like it's a scary dragon, but the dragon never causes any harm. It doesn’t cause any harm because the dragon doesn’t exist in reality. It only exists in our mind. All the harm is caused by the things we do to avoid facing the dragon. It’s the destructive behavior that sabotages our lives.

To have a dragon lose power, do the opposite of what gives it power. Instead of fighting it and running from it, own and embrace it. Once you face the dragon, you discover on an experiential, heart level, that the dragon is an illusion and has no teeth. The moment this happens, the dragon loses power and your life will never be the same. Instead of the dragon having power over you, you have power over the dragon.

See examples of how core issues work

The best way to heal this hurt

The best way to heal this hurt is for me to walk you through the healing process. Since the hurt is something that's been made up, it’s something that can be healed. In fact, the healing process is very fast. Most people have a major healing in one or two sessions. If you want to be free of this destructive hurt, give me a call and schedule a session.

You can also heal this hurt in our weekend workshop Return To The Heart. To learn more about how to find and heal these inner core issues, watch the Mastery of Life Video Course and read the book, Get Your Power Back.

Watch the video and learn more about how to
heal the hurt that sabotages your life

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